You may have noticed that your ritual frothy coffee drink is more expensive than usual. That’s because the price of coffee beans and milk are way up, which is because the world is about to collapse.

Starbucks drinks are up about 60 cents a piece. That also means all the little guys’ prices are tilting northwards, as well. You probably didn’t notice. People who buy non-fat venti sugar free no-froth cappucinos probably don’t give a jerk about 60 cents.

You ain’t really that fancy. Revert to black coffee.

Source:
I work in a fucking coffee shop, sigh.

“OK” is French for “okay.”

It’s been a busy couple of months for the straight-talking, hard-nosed, pint-sized French president, Nicolas Sarkozy. He hasn’t missed a beat (much to many a Frenchman’s dismay) in laying out some of his new policies. Lately he’s been taking a little criticism from the media for some slightly off-color remarks in a speech given in late July in Senegal:

“The tragedy of Africa is that the African has not fully entered into history … They have never really launched themselves into the future.”

Yikes, Sarko, yikes. Maybe you could have recovered if you had just stopped, but you didn’t:

“The African peasant only knew the eternal renewal of time, marked by the endless repetition of the same gestures and the same words,” he said. “In this realm of fancy … there is neither room for human endeavor nor the idea of progress.”

Sarkozy’s also trying to beef up the waning French economy. A report commissioned by the president stated that they will, in fact, finally begin trying to participate in a globalized economy. There’s talk of strengthening ties with Germany and more strict EU observation on trade deals and blah blah blah – all I know is that, if you’re ever hungry in France, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anything other than a cold cheese sandwich or a dinky Nutella crepe under 8 euros, which is just ridiculous.

But it looks like the most ambitious, idealistic bit of Sarkozy’s vision will be a long time in coming. We wish you luck, cher monsieur.

Featured Song: “Louxor J’adore” by Katerine

Download: “Louxor J’adore” by Katerine

Sources:
Africans still seething over Sarkozy speech Reuters
France maps path through globalisation MSNBC
French looking to shake ‘arrogant’ tag Washington Times

Friends, the sky’s the limit for our dear friend Fred Thompson. With a campaign so professionally run, Fred will surely bring a much needed jolt to the Republican field, quickly emerging as the front-runner, uniting the GOP behind his common-sense conservative stances and restore a little, you know, whatever, to the White House. This outcome is as inevitable as democracy in Iraq for the following reasons:

Numero uno, less astute political observers might have thought it was best for Fred to enter the field mid-summer, when the buzz surrounding this multi-talented politician/actor was through the roof. But Fred knew not to blow his load too quickly and waited until all the excitement, literally all of it had completely died down - evaporated, one might even say.

Secondly, after making the call to wait it out, Fred has strategically put forth the image that his fledgling campaign was in total shambles. He delayed his announcement date from June something or other to September 6 and spread rumors of clashes among the staff. Clearly this was so his Republican rivals would underestimate him, just as many underestimated George W. Bush in 1999. By falling incredibly short of his fundraising goals, Fred was able to really knock it out of the park on this point.

Now Fred’s in the race and his official announcement will come tomorrow. But he’s not giving it all up just yet, oh no. While many candidates might feel as though they should compete to the fullest once declared, Fred is going to continue to play the tease by skipping tonight’s Republican debate and airing a 30-second tv spot instead.

Well played sir, well played. This is the kind of innovative political strategy that will steamroll the opposition - a direct path to the White House for sure. We here at Culture Warrior encourage you to contribute money to Fred’s war chest, not that he needs it. Indeed, this campaign is going to be worth every penny.

Sources:
For Thompson, delay is costly Wall Street Journal
Thompson has hill to climb, poll suggests Politico
Fred Thompson to Make ‘08 Candidacy Official Next Week Fox News
Thompson’s fundraising is short of goal CBS News
Thompson to skip debate - but will run ad USA Today

AU students sing koombayah

Joel Gardner, the infamous, notorious Karl Rove mooner who spent 8 hours in a DC jail on Monday has given an interview to MTV news. (We think. For some reason, it’s on the VH1 website. Guess they’re really the same, anyway. Oh, and did we mention that we broke this story?)

Here go some excerpts:

“I got a crazy call from the dean of students telling me they got a bunch of these warrants,” Gardner said. “She was really nice and said I should be careful about traveling out of state, because if I even got a moving violation I could’ve been taken in. She also told me to be careful where I sleep, which is funny because I’ve been sleeping on couches all over D.C.”

And:

“The moon is a terrific form of tomfoolery that is completely forgotten these days,” Gardner said. The act of mooning dates at least back to 1346, during the Battle of Crécy in France, when several hundred French soldiers allegedly exposed their derrieres to British archers.

“You can moon your friends and it can be totally funny, or it can be really sincere, like when you moon Karl Rove,” Gardner added. “There is little response someone can give after that.”

Well, so, that’s that. We also learned something important about journalism from this whole experience. When your friends are arrested for something funny, run their names on your blog even if they ask you not too; otherwise, you’ll end up getting scooped by fucking VH1. And you can take that to the bank.

Source:
Man Who Mooned Karl Rove Speaks: ‘It Was A Very Intimate Moment’ MTV/VH1

Previous Posts:
Karl Rove to spend retirement persecuting AU students who showed him their asses
Assgate Heats Up
Blue Moonin’
Notorious District Six to turn themselves in on Monday
Rove protesters spend 8 hours in jail

Never do a Google search for “syphilis.” Seriously.

Seeing as how most of the current CW staff has some sort of tie to Houston, and being the good wingmen (and women) that we are, we figured we’d give our friends a heads up. We’re being informed that the number of reported new syphilis cases in the Houston area increased almost 50 percent from last year.

“We’re on target to more than double our number of cases from last year to this year,” said Marlene McNeese-Ward, the department’s chief of HIV/STD and Viral Hepatitis Prevention.

It looks like most of the new “French disease” cases involve gay males, many of them identifying themselves as Hispanic and African-American men, with a handful of cases resulting from unprotected sex in exchange for drugs or money, so be extra careful of Floridian statesmen. Another reason cited for the increase? The Internet. Missed Connections should stay missed for a reason. In this case, syphilis.

Also, in probably the most amazing of revelations from the whole story is that Al Capone supposedly died from syphilis. You learn something new every day, folks.

Featured Song: “Love Sick” by Orange Juice

Source:
Houston targets syphilis increase Houston Chronicle

Peek-a-boo.

In an effort to shut down the gay rumors, Larry Craig’s children have come out blasting the press for reporting the news about their dad trolling public restrooms. The Republican senator from Idaho apparently sat down with his kids to talk about the birds and the bees, specifically that he doesn’t like other boys’ stingers. Being the good kids that they are, they stand by their dad:

“We’ve known him our whole life. He has been so trustworthy to us, so honest to us, that we believe him,” Michael Craig said.

I mean, if anyone could possibly testify that Craig is a poonanny fan, it’d be the kids resulting from Craig sexing up his lady love. Right?

Well…

Larry Craig adopted Michael and his two siblings after marrying their mother, the former Suzanne Scott, in 1983.

Seriously, though. Their dad totally likes vag.

Featured Song: “Meet Me In The Bathroom” by The Strokes

Source:
Craig’s children believe his assertions that he isn’t gay Associated Press via Houston Chronicle

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Wide Stance Dept: We wish we could enjoy this more