A Palm Beach, Fla. Alzheimer’s patient being fitted with a VeriChip device.

Reader Ana shared this tantilizing little news item with us in a comment on a post… don’t know how a story of this kind slipped by us in the first place but we’ll chalk it up to the same corporate-congressional conspiracy that keeps us from winning the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. Anywho, looks like a company in Florida has gotten the ingenious idea to start planted microchips into old people who also have Alzheimer’s, because why the hell not? Alzheimer’s patients aren’t exactly the most tenacious bunch of folks on the planet, so who better to start implanting these things in?

Up to 200 Alzheimer’s patients living near Palm Beach, Fla., will be implanted with the VeriChip for free in the next week.

The chip, which is about the size of a grain of rice, contains a 16-digit identification number which is scanned at a hospital. Once the number is placed in a database, it can provide crucial medical information.

Installation of this mind control device is free as part of the pilot program being launched in Palm Beach. Palm Beach! The very same place that played such a large roll in the outcome of the hotly contested presidential election of 2000. Coincidence? Oh ho, we think not.

Source:
Alzheimer’s patients lining up for tracking device ABC News

Hugo Chavez has done it again. He’s moving forward with his socialistic plans to make Venezuela a better place for the poor and downtrodden. He’s dealt with health care, housing and literacy. Now he’s set his eyes on yet another vestige of the evil capitalist remains: the time zone.

It seems that when he’s not forcibly feeding the poor or taking private property away from landowners (for the sake of the people, of course), he has enough time to worry about Venezuela’s time zone. Or rather, maybe he doesn’t have enough time, which is why he wants to change the current time zone by a HALF hour. He must realize that only a crazy man would change things by an hour.

Why is he spending public funds to fuck up our time zone differences? Science and Technology Minister Hector Navarro explains.

[Navarro] said the measure sought “a more fair distribution of the sunrise,” which would particularly help poor children who wake up before dawn to go to school.

It’s for the children. It’s always for the children…

“Very rigorous scientific studies have determined that … the metabolic activity of living beings is synchronized with the sun’s light,” [Navarro] said.

The minister added that the government “is planning to announce additional measures to make more effective use of time.”

Just a quick tip to Hector, in case he’s reading this: maybe the problems that you and your boss have been having with job effectiveness has less to do with a HALF hour time zone difference and more to do with your complete incompetence as politicians, nay, human beings.

Featured Song: “Sign ‘O’ The Times” by Prince

Source:
Country to change time zone by 30 minutes Reuters

It’s not enough that Leona Helmsley already died, but now her dog gets a $12 million trust. The dog, named Trouble, is receiving the single-most amoung of money from Helmsley’s will, with her brother getting $10 million and $5 to two of her four grandchildren; the other two, presumably “little people” get zilch. In order for the two grandchildren to get their cash, they have to visit their late father’s grave at least once a year, preferably

For a New York ice queen, she was “generous” enough to leave her chauffeur $100,000. We think it’s hush money.

Featured Song: “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by The Stooges

Sources:
Helmsley will: $12M trust for dog, nothing for 2 grandkids CNN
Leona’s dog gets her paws on $12M in will New York Daily News

“Wait, how much is it?”

It’s always something with transporation in New York: if it’s not a blizzard, it’s a steam pipe. If it isn’t a steam pipe it’s a strike.

The New York Taxi Workers Alliance is rallying against a new mandate that would make drivers put GPS machines in their cabs and is asking its 10,000ish members strike for two days starting Sept. 5.

Great idea guys; let’s frustrate paying customers because of something they have nothing to do with. Anyway, the Alliance’s Bill Lindauer explains why they’re right:

There are two issues. One is moral and constitutional, the other is financial…Under the system [mandated by the Taxi and Limosine Commission], drivers are tracked, they’re spied upon. It’s like we’re under surveillance. Not only are we under surveillance we have to pay for the dubious privilege.

Moral issue? Really, now. There are plenty of contract and freelance workers out there who repeatedly use company-owned equipment for personal use, and we’re they’re just as likely to get caught dowloading 100 plus songs a day not working by company technology.

It’s actually more complicated than that, but all the same, how else is tourist supposed to get from Union Square to Fort Hamilton Parkway when he realizes his particular subway line turns into an express route after 11 p.m.?

Featured Song: “Drive My Car” by The Beatles

Source:
New York Cab Drivers to Strike Over GPS EWeek

Ordinarily, we wouldn’t single a person out, particularly a deceased person, for loving kink gay sex. If anything, we would commend the choice to commit whole-heartedly to something because who can really completely commit themselves to anything these days?

Well, Karl Rove, for one. For 15 years, he has worked only for George W. Bush, taking an arrogant, unaccomplished frat boy and propelling him to the White House to run the most historically significant administration in modern history before resigning just the other day, hopefully to try and avoid some kind of impending prosecution.

Karl didn’t really know his father, a fact that a psychologist might point to as explanation for why he’s so fucking crazy. From what we recall from reading a Rove biography many years ago, the senior Mr. Rove left the family early on in Karl’s life, and according to an article on Boing Boing, to seek something of a higher calling:

Shannon Larratt, founder of the body modification online publication BMEzine, pointed us a few days ago to a first-person essay that a person named Yard[D]og was writing, regarding the adoptive father of Deputy White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove (shown in the image at left). Yard[D]og claims to have been a close personal friend of the now-deceased elder Rove.
About the essay’s contents, Mr. Larratt said:

“Karl Rove’s father was not only gay, but a part of the early body piercing scene and a regular at 70s piercing parties… There are pictures of him on BME.

We don’t intend to deride Mr. Rove’s choice to persue his alternative lifestyle. We would like to note, however, that his choosing hardcore gay sex over his familial responsibilities ended up sticking us with the worst president ever and a disasterous outlook for the future. Thank you, elder Rove, for dooming the country that made it possible for you to wear that cock ring you loved so dearly.

A special thanks to Hawley for emailing us the link.

Featured Song: “Uncorrected Personality Traits” by Robyn Hitchcock

Source:
Essay: I’m the proud owner of Karl Rove’s father’s solid gold cock ring Boing Boing

Mystery desert men

I had no idea that there was an actual classification for musicians like Devendra Banhart or Jana Hunter. I always assumed it was a particular type of indescribable folk. Turns out, though, that there is a home for the classically troubadour sound: naturalismo.

I’ll have to thank Headdress for their help finding this new information out. Before I do, though, you should actually listen to the Texas two-piece. Beautifully lo-fi, Headdress’ “Turquoise” is more of an experience than a flat out album. Ariel Pink meets Desperado, the album plays up echoes and evokes a desertscape, giving of a distinct vibe of stationary solitude. “Turquoise” is a tad literal on the “natural,” featuring crickets and wolves along with soft and minimal instrumentals, but nothing that I’ve heard this year comes close to the vivid, almost photographic imagery that results from listening to Headdress.

Featured Song: “Blanket of Golden Fields” by Headdress

Featured Song: “Among the Swinging Stars” by Headdress

Download: “Among the Swinging Stars” by Headdress

Also, if you want to know more about naturalismo, you should check out the Naturalismo Blog. It’s good reading.

Their love will go on.

It looks like the honeymoon is over for U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, according to the New York Times.

Awesomely enough, this news comes only two weeks after our pal Rove resigned, making August the best month ever. Gonzales followed Bush from Texas after serving as his personal attorney, but years of hard work paid off when John Ashcroft announced his resignation in 2004. The first Hispanic attorney general, Fredo was the token Hispanic climed the political ladder only to horribly fall from Republican grace when he seemed to be stuck in a permanent haze whenever he was asked any question actually relevant to his job.

Fare thee well, Fredo. We knew you all too well.

Featured Song: “Goodbye Stranger” by Supertramp

Sources:
“Embattled Attorney General Resigns” NY Times
“Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announces he has resigned” AP via Houston Chronicle

Previous entries:
“Dept. of Too Little, Too Late: Karl Rove avoids having his ass handed to him next year”
“Endgame Dept.:Scapegoat No. 2″
“That’s All She Wrote: Gonzo’s perjury problem”
“We prefer to think of it as a cock slap”