Nothing garners more respect from us here at the Culture Warrior than when a politician, especially a presidential candidate, blazes a new trail in the tired area of campaign politics. Mitt Romney does this almost every day, and that’s why he’s our pick to be the next president of the United States of America. Courting seniors in the great state of Florida this weekend (a bold move in and of itself), Our Man Mitt delved deep into the serious policy issues of our time: his 37-year marriage and his faith.

To hell with the Republican playbook! Mitt, a former one-term governor of the most liberal state in the Union, who himself was once an active Democratic fundraiser, has his own approach! He’s a Mormon, for fucks sake. When his speech at at the old folks home was inturupted by a heckler who shouted, “You sir, are a pretender. You don’t know the Lord,” Mitt didn’t even flinch. The heckler was, of course, referring to the fact that Romney is the first openly homosexual presidential candidate.

We steal all our music, so we don’t actually know when the ‘official’ release date or whatever is for the ‘Neon Bible,’ the new album from The Arcade Fire. We do know however, we haven’t stopped listening to this record since we stole it over the internets last week, and we’ve had a boner pretty much the whole time. So we’re going to pass our glee and pleasure on to you, dear readers. For the sake of not getting sued just at the moment though, we’re only giving you a few tracks. You might also want to check out the band’s new site, it’s kind of fun to poke around on.

Black Mirror, Neon Bible, Intervention, My Body is a Cage

We don’t really care, but this is pretty funny:

Yeah. We’ve got the FOX News beat. We watch it so you don’t have to.

This time around, Murdoch wants you to know that FNC has a sense of humor. They’re not just old white men whose taste when it comes to giggles is limited to old “Birth of a Nation” blooper reels.  That’s right, folks. Vareity tells us that FOX News wants to take humor back to the streets cul de sacs.

What will have you rolling on the floor, beggin for the legalization of euthanasia? Take a look.

Barack Obama has the same initials as “body odor”? And, HA! Obama and Marion Barry are both black! Cut and print, people!

What do the faithful YouTube trolls have to say? We’ll leave you with the voice of the people.

Ropeman:

This makes MADtv look funny.

gyronic:

wow ive seen jay leno bomb jokes better than these.

rfin:

I laughed more at the holocaust, and my grandparents died in that.

They’re surreal, delicate, but gruff. They’re slivers of art direct to your tube. They’re beer commercials.

Great, perhaps the greatest of the great, Documentarian Errol Morris of semi-recent “Fog of War” fame made a massive series of Miller High Life commercials(!!!!) The vignettes are arranged around the American manhood theme.

One of my favorites shows an old man peddling a bike through a snowstorm with a six-pack of Miller clinking in his front basket. The narrator declares, “We don’t need your OPECs.”

Watch the series here.

It is all too clear the junior senator for Illinois, a candidate for president, is a “stealth moslem,” as we saw him described on some nutty myspace profile last week (we can’t find it now because there’s no way to search myspace which is fucking ridiculous). We are outraged by the United States trademark office (or whatever) for rejecting some honest American’s attempt to capitalize on Obama’s rather unfortunate name. Says The Smoking Gun:

FEBRUARY 13–Government officials have rejected a Florida man’s bid to trademark the term “Obama bin Laden,” ruling that the conflation of the names of a U.S. Senator and the world’s leading terrorist was “scandalous” and wrongly suggested a connection between the politician and the mass murderer.

We were under the impression that ‘officials’ such as these had been purged from the bureaucracy at this point, thanks to the President’s historic effort to politicize everymotherfuckingthing. But I guess there is still a place where sanity can prevail. Bummer.

Culture Warrior would like to congratulate James “Diamond Jim” The Springer Spaniel, champion of the 2007 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Ain’t nothing like being best in show, my man. I mean, you know what I’m saying?