Good news, Generation Y. Looks like someone at the reigns of a major media conglomerate or two has decided that there’s money to be made in helping us get back in touch with our youth. So we have some pretty great pop culture revivals to look forward to next year, foremost among them: the upcoming Transformers and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies.
As you, our faithful reader, should be well aware of by now, CW humbly began in Houston, Texas. Now, H-Town is notorious for a variety of reasons. First it was the most polluted city. Then it was the fattest. Of course, there’s Enron. And Andrea Yates. Don’t forget about the lady who ran over her husband (multiple times) with her Benz.
Enter: Purple Drank. As fat as or as toxic as Houston may be, it is officially the City of Syrup. Houston even has an entire album dedicated to it’s codine-laden addiction.
But it turns out that addiction to the affordable mauve concoction isn’t limited to the fourth-largest city in the United States. The AP (via ABC News) tells us that about one in every 14 high school seniors caved and told the researchers that they’ve been getting high off of the purple stuff. Generic and useless quote from the feds follows:
“It’s bad that kids are buying cough syrup and using it this way it’s not good for them,” said John P. Walters, director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy.
No worries, though, fans of pot. Your drug of choice is still the top contender:
Marijuana remained the single most abused drug among teens, although its use also dropped slightly within all three grades.
We can sleep soundly knowing that the dope-smoking 9th grader still thrives in this mad, mad world.
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What event could have possibly been so important to interrupt an hour of regularly scheduled programming on Pittsburgh’s local news stations this morning? Strangely enough, it was not Mario Lemieux-related, as per protocol. Indeed, this news was so overwhelming that the entire city was in tears, reports The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:
Mr. Barden held hands with his wife Bella as the vote was taken and shed tears when he knew he had won. “My heart skipped several beats. It was an exhilarating, incredible feeling.”
Barden’s tears were those of a proud new father. As the head of PITG Gaming Majestic Star, Barden won the bid to open a casino, or a “slot machine parlor,” on Pittsburgh’s North Side. Barden and the city hope the new casino generates jobs and income for the city. And while economic revitalization is always a hot issue in Pittsburgh, Barden was probably thinking, “How do I make this casino issue appeal to the locals?” Just look to the Steelers, my good sir.
Mr. Barden also became teary eyed when he talked about Johnnie Bettis, father of former Steelers star Jerome Bettis. Mr. Barden knew the Bettis family from Detroit and brought them into his investment group.
More tears of joy after the jump.
It’s probably a result of disordered curiousity that we opened this particular news story. Really, MSNBC should be awarded some sort of award for the headline: “Even grandma had premarital sex, survey finds.” That’s basically saying, “Hey, your grandmother was a whore, and we totally have the proof.”
Supposedly, a new study (by an anti-abstinence only organization) reports that more than nine out of 10 Americans (wouldn’t that be 10 out of 10?) have been fornicating before the sacred sacrament of marriage. And we’re not talking about that girl in your history class. The study says that the rates go as far back as the 1940s.
More scandalous septagarian sex after the jump.
Retail websites roll out stellar design this time of year to get us to click and spend. Internet shopping is much more fun around the holidays because you shake the whole selfish/pointless feeling of meandering around the Internet looking for shit you don’t need. The ultimate ‘Gift Idea’ sections allow you to surf your way out of a lack of creativity. Online gift-giving guides also say a lot about how companies view consumers.
They classify us. How cheap do we want to be? Gifts for $100, $50, c’mon $25! (Spending even less means you don’t really love your family.) What kind of person are you buying for? The foodie. The traveler. The urban sophisticate, which means gay. What relation is the person you’re buying for? Co-workers land bright plastic stuff for the desk. ‘For Him’ means tools and cuff links. Grandmas get lotion and “funky” scarves.
Knock the list-mania funk and go straight for Internet gold with, uh, our list of finds. Seriously, don’t get your sister a drug store boxset of soaps.
Basically, an instant library of every movie worth watching. Sure you run the risk of buying into the DVD format, which may soon be abandoned, but imagine how awesome it would be to unwrap each of the 198 boxes. Also, I’m pretty sure this pays for itself in terms of film education and late fees.
More plunder after the jump.
See the sharply dressed gentleman on the far right?
He’s Clovis Maksoud. In a narrow portion of the academic world, namely the Arab Studies genre, he’s a big-wig. UN, Arab League, G-town, American University, you name it, he’s been there, done that.
I know him as senile old Lebanese fellow who thinks my Precious Moments “Love is Forgiving” necklace is cute. He repeats anecdotes an epic amount of times [I won’t say I don’t enjoy them] whilst squinting/giggling. He claims to be the first dude to suggest a one-state solution [don’t worry folks, we’re not going there]. He even practically single-handedly [how does he do it!? he’s EIGHTY!!] wrote the UNDP’s Arab Human Development Report [Arab Human Development? Self-doomed to failure, proclaimed the Economist in 2002.]
So, why a 4:37 am post about this fellow? Because this is my last all-nighter [insha’allah, God Willing, as the Arabs say] of the year 2006 and I want to commemorate why I am writing fifteen pages of poppycock about how Egypt’s Coptic Christians fit into the framework of the Arab Human Development Report [improved governance and subsequently minority rights, if you really must know].
More fun in the hot Arab development sun right after the jump!
Global warming may have you sipping iced tea into the depths of December, but no winter is complete without a steaming mug of loosely disguised hard liquor. This recipe comes from the heart and careful experimentation.
1. Combine everything in a mug.
2. Hot tottie! Naked time!
