Pablo Escobar’s hippos are vicious escape artists much like the infamous drug lord himself, according to The Los Angeles Time.

Colombian authorities might soon turn guns against the aquatic beasts, again mirroring the life of Mr. Escbobar who died under a torrent of police bullets.

Four hippos stocked a man made lake on Escobar’s pleasure palace 100 miles east of Medellin. The other creatures in his menagerie joined Colombian zoos or were left to die after Escobar’s downfall. Not the hippos. They prospered, quadrupling in numbers. Apparently, they are quite a nuisance and may be systematically shot to death if no advocates surface to their defense. (Nature people, where are you guys on this?)

Escobar’s coke hippos might be the best metaphor for the relationship between the illegal drug trade and government to ever snort water and wiggle their bottoms. Below the surface and menacing, they grow in size even when the kingpin is removed. They dramatically threaten the social order and cause the government to retaliate destructively and violently. Make hippo reserves, not war.

A booze that drinks like liquid mint chocolate chip ice cream. Grasshoppers kiss glass rims with bubbly bright green yumminess. As Mom always says, “It’s Christmas, damnit.” So, swallow your familial resentment and these delicious dessert cocktails… and do it together like you mean it for Christ’s Sake. This is another well-honed original recipe.

GRASSHOPPERS:

• 1 oz Vodka
• 1 oz Green Creme de Menthe
• 1 oz White Creme de Cacao
• 1 oz 1/2 and 1/2, light cream or whole chocolate milk

Shake and strain ingredients into a chilled highball or shallow martini glass. Shush now, it’s family fun time.

(Photo from Molly’s Flickr)

Since I’m nearing the end of my undergraduate career, I’m starting to consider what I want to do with my Life. I mean, I’m pretty lucky. I have some semblance of an idea that involves an even mixture of social sciences, human rights activism, refugee studies, academia, and a country that is Not in the “Global North.” I have enough contacts just because of who my parents are that I shall never be in want of a home-cooked meal wherever I should be in the world, but it’s the financially-independent-and-not-just-on-your-two-service-industry-jobs thing that is pretty daunting [either that or incur more student debt with grad school, which I haven’t quite ruled out, either].

Thus, at 2 am, instead of writing papers I tend to job search. A long time ago, probably in my angsty high school rebellion, I ruled out working for “The Man”, on my parents’ recommendation, so this means that there is little to no chance I will be applying for jobs with the State Department, USAID, any intelligence agency, any multilateral financial organ, or the UN [which is okay; I think I am too much of a firebrand to hire in any case]. Yeah, I resigned myself to a lower income bracket a while back too.

What’s frustrating about the job search in the refugee biz is that there’s a LOT of jobs available. A lot of jobs in places like the Sudan. And me, I’m a young, single almost-college-grad who doesn’t really like authority but who loves people. I don’t need a lot of money, hell, all I need is food [I have no dietary restrictions!] and maybe some coffee and some beer, occasionally [I mean, if I’m working in the Sudan I DEFINITELY want beer]. I’m in the correct course of study for what these jobs are. In fact, I am enthusiastically volunteering to go to one of the most infrastructure-less, volatile areas of the world, and all I need is food, board, and beer! So it totally sucks that all these positions, of which there are TONS, require advanced degrees and 2-3 years experience In The Field. I mean, I understand it [n00bz get in the way and aren’t practical and/or efficient], but there’s a need, I’m willing to fill it, and I can’t because I’ve just spent four years acquiring thousands of dollars in debt and a degree that is virtually meaningless without experience In The Field.
Oh well. I guess I am going to go drink beer.
[and if you haven’t noticed, this WTF is two-fold and trying not to be didactic. If you have the time/energy/emotional fortitude, you should check out some of the different groups working in Darfur this holiday season, and every season, for that matter. Change from the ground up, and all that. APATHY IS A PRODUCT OF THE MAN!]

BBC’s First-Ever footage of Giant Squid!!

A couple months ago we Cryptozoologists [that’s Enthusiasts of Weird/Mythical creatures, for you laymen] were all in a tizzy because of the “first ever” images of a giant squid [in which the creature gets its tentacle ripped to shreds, in the name of science. For shame!] so this just gets even more exciting. But, to be perfectly honest, I was never really into the “Giant Squid” field of study. I’ve always kept my eye more on traditional dracontology. I won’t be satisfied until they give me REAL lake monster footage!

[Turkey’s Lake Van Monster was good, convincing even, but not good enough!!]

According to a France 24 news report that will be really important to conspiracy theorists everywhere but pretty much ignored by everyone else, French special forces in Afghanistan twice had Osama bin Laden in their sights and could have killed him, but couldn’t get authorization from American commanders to actually pull the trigger. An anonymous French soldier explains:

“You have to understand that the decision-making procedure between the French troops and the US army is quite complicated. Enquiries made to the Americans go via Paris and Washington before returning to Afghanistan, to the city of Baghram, site of the American general staff,” said the witness. After two hours of waiting, the French troops received orders to let the man in their sights go, he added.

Not that it matters what happens to bin Laden one way or the other in actual, real terms. But if sure would be swell if the US were able to accomplish, say, a single solitary one of its stated objectives in this “War on Terror.” It might bet helpful if it switch gears to a War on Incompetence, but given this country’s aptitude when it comes to running wars these days, it might just be best to let things lie.

Related: What’s the point? France withdrawing more than 200 of its special forces from Afghanistan. [France 24]

Well, this just fucking sucks. We can’t express how sad, how dissapointed we are upon hearing the news that Yeching palace in Cleavland Park will soon be permanently closing its doors. Not only is the food fucking delicious, but it has been the venue in which many a deal has been brokered. We were going to make a joke about the Cuban Missile Crisis being solved there, and then we read this in a story from WTOP (and it’s also on the Yeching Palace site:

The Washington Examiner reports that the U.S. intermediaries for the White House and the Soviet Union met there in 1962 to help defuse the Cuban Missile Crisis.

ITS NOT A JOKE BECAUSE THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS WAS ACTUALLY SOLVED THERE.

Sigh. We’re going to miss you Yeching Palace. Especially when we’re all over at Josh’s house on Porter and we’re drunk and we really want some chicken lo mein.

Namely the audio version of John Hodgeman’s book “The Area of my Expertise.” Hodgeman is a daily show correspondent and also plays “PC” in Apple’s “I’m a Mac” commercials. It’s an abridged version of the book, but we’re sure it’s funny anyway, though it’s probably still worth picking up a print copy. Until then, get the audiobook free from the iTunes store.