The Culture Warrior cannot believe this is a news item on CNN. Actually, we can. But we don’t like to admit it because we’re blogging it.

Kramer, Kramer, Kramer. Are you Jewish or not? In the latest contrived move to lessen the heat off racist comments, Michael Richards has declared that he is a Chosen Person.

Word is this is in response to claims that he made anti-Semitic comments at a stand up show previous to his impromptu set earlier this month when he

The worst part, the Jews don’t want Richards. Says one Jewish leader:

“There are many people who appreciate Jewish customs, who may embrace aspects of Jewish culture and practice, but that does not make them Jewish,” he said.

Sorry, Michael. Seems like you’re going to have to start hocking copies of that new Seinfeld DVD to pay for your defense team.

Featured Music:

Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys - They Ain’t Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore

We’re too busy playing on the Internets to watch television, but we’ve read on the blogs that NBC is sort of down and out these days; scraping the bottom of the barrel, you might say. Even so, we were completely unprepared to read this in today’s Washington Post:

In January, NBC will replace football on Sundays with a reality series in which viewers pick the two leads for a Broadway revival of the musical “Grease,” hosted by President Bush’s cousin.

Wow. That may prove to be more stupid packed into a half hour of television than the American public can handle. We don’t mean to suggest that we know more about programming than the career experts over at the National Broadcasting Company, but that idea seems like, really fucking stupid.

Featured Music:

None. Grease is intolerable, even when it’s an ironic punk cover.

It makes sense that we here at Culture Warrior, while sitting naked at the computer at three in the morning, would stumble across the GOP’s blueprints to take over Manhattan, transforming it from a bastion of liberalism into, you know. Kansas.

Such a gargantuan undertaking requires a plan of proportional magnitude, and East Village GOP has such a plan. Never give up the fight, brave souls. And remember: God is on your side.
Featured Music:

Shakey Bones - I Ain’t Got No Home

We here at Culture Warrior have a special, dark place for in our hearts, right next to the clogged aorta. Without Bill, God knows what we would have named this blog. Something really lame like Tubulosity or something. (Editor’s Note: I kid, Greg. I kid.)

But O’Reilly is a relevant person in modern day America. Some would say it’s for his witty retorts (“Shut up!”) and his classy beside manner (“Cut off his mike.”) We at Culture Warrior would like to think that he is as important as he is not because of Rupert Murdoch, but because of the middle eastern delicacy that is the falafel.

This is why we’re waiting with baited breath to see “Mackris v. O’Reilly,” the operatic interpretation of the pundit’s sexual embarrassment case.

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The United States has unveiled its newest plan to stop the international menace that is North Korea’s Kim Jong-il: take away his iPod and TV.

In a move that rivals being sent to our rooms for breaking curfew, The Associated Press reveals that the Bush administration and the United Nations want to block the sale of iPods, plasma televisions and Segway scooters to the diminutive leader’s country.

No joke. Threaten the world with nuclear arms and get your sweet swag taken away.

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We weren’t around three days ago to bring this gem to your attention, so take my word for it that we would have. Err, or I was out of town, drinking mostly, and just now saw it. But either way, here it is. Somebody over at the Times style section clearly got yelled at about not having enough content recently, which is the is the only explanation or this hardhitting masturbatory piece of journalism filler.

It’s not cool to go out on Saturday nights. The New York Times is reporting this. And They included a picture to illustrate the kind of people who do go out on Saturday nights:

For status-conscious New Yorkers, Saturday has become synonymous with hordes of pleasure dilettantes wearing gelled hairstyles and quaffing Red Bull, creating hourlong lines at clubs that city dwellers may line up for on Thursday or even Monday, but will not get within five stretch-Hummer lengths from on Saturday.

Oh, Snap! More after the jump.

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It would seem as though Pennsylvania is kind of tough place to be a entrenched and corrupt public official these days. The so-called “wave” that took out Santorum also netted the Democrats the state legislature for the first time in 12 years. Which all happened like a year after a bunch of long-standing Republican state reps all lost their primaries. And do the Keystone State, in keeping with its Dutch heritage, is in house-cleaning mode.

Next in the sights: Luzerne County Judge Ann Lokuta. Why do we care about some nobody judge? Because she’s totally batshit insane. More after the jump.

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