Rush hour in Milan now includes penis ogling. Larger than life David Beckham sports white briefs in a new ad campaign for Armani underwear, and according to my Madrid morning papers, many are wondering whether his bulge is god-given or the fruit of Photoshop.

It’s as huge as his smirking head, too!

Or, is it?

Forget the soothing effects of breakfast in front of a Tiffany’s window, I know where I would peacefully stare while dunking my croissant into coffee.

Source:
Los calzoncillos de Beckham causan un gran revuelo en Milán 20 Minutos

Apparently Joan Rivers fucked a carrot.

Featured Song: “Broken Face” by The Pixies

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From A Socialite’s Life.

Chavez and Castro: two hot pieces of beefcake.

If this doesn’t prove that voting in Venezuela is rigged, we don’t know what else will:

A poll said on Thursday the fifth-most desired man is Chavez, whose large nose, protruding lips, forehead mole and gap in his front teeth are easy fodder for caricature artists in a South American nation obsessed with beauty.

Venezuelan business group Fedecamaras organized the poll, which is odd since Fedecamaras has been hailed as one of the leading forces of the opposition group and black listed as part of the capitalistic oligarchy by the Chavistas.

Let’s put this in context, though. Chavez, who was nicknamed “Goofy” in his military days, was named one of the top five sexiest Venezuelan men. We’re talking about Venezuela, the developing country that in 2000 was named the most vain country in the world and in which 65 percent of Venezuelan women and 47 percent of men said they think about their personal appearance ”all the time.”

Come to think about it, Naomi Campbell did visit Chavez the other day…Better luck next year, Winston Vallenilla. Sixth place doesn’t cut it, you ass-face ugly son of a bitch.

Featured Song: “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart


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Sources:
“Ugly” Chavez among Venezuela’s sexiest men: poll Yahoo! News
Who Is Vainest of All? Venezuela NY Times
Naomi Does Venezuela Michelle Malkin

Apparently “Do Not Swallow” doesn’t come close to convey the dangers of a new toy being recalled, this time in Australia. The toy, called Bindeez, sound innocent enough: kids can fuse little beads together into different shapes and such by spraying them with water:

But it isn’t all fun and games:

Scientists say the beads contain a chemical that the human body metabolizes into the so-called “date rape” drug gamma hydroxy butyrate. When eaten, the compound — made from common and easily available ingredients — can induce unconsciousness, seizures, drowsiness, coma and death.

This goes way beyond “playing doctor.” So far, the AP reports that at least a 2-year-old boy, a 10-year-old girl and a 19-month-old toddler were receiving medical help after eating the beads.

With all the defective toys coming out of China, we’ve started thinking that this all may be an elaborate attempt at global domination. The only problem is we can’t figure out how this latest toy recall fits into the master plan, and we don’t want to know.

Featured Song: “Poison” by Bell Biv DeVoe


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Source:
Australia pulls ‘date rape’ drug toy Yahoo! News

We may be a couple of days late, but this is too insane to not at least mention…

There’s very little that we can say about Michael Savage without either erupting in obscene laughter or anger. This guy is as vile as the wingnuts come. Malkin is a pussycat compared to this guy. Case in point: Savage’s October 29 broadcast. Media Matters has the audio and transcript, and it’s a keeper. Let’s read together, now:

“Yee-haw! This is the America — this is the America that those Islamic-fascist, robe-wearing, throwback bums have never seen! Let’s get it on! Let’s bring it on! Bomb Iran, bring our boys home now! Bomb Iran, bring our boys home now! Bomb Iran, bring our boys home now! Let’s get it on! Bomb Iran, bring our boys home now! Wipe Hezbollah out of America! Cut the tentacles of Iran off! Cut the tentacles of that octopus off now! Get every hunter in America armed to the teeth! Throwback bastards! I’m so sick of them! I’m so sick of the brainwashing about Islam and Muslims and the Koran! Shove it! Shove it all! I’m sick of it!”

Mind you, “Everybody’s Dixie” is playing in the backround while Savage goes off the deep end. That and both mentions of Iran’s “tentacles” had us do a double take. It caught us off guard; sorry. Continue:

Page after page after page, and we’re supposed to sit here and listen to this rubbish about a religion of peace, and every day Bush brings in thousands of more of these throwbacks — throwbacks wearing medieval costumes, walking around, spitting on the ground every time they see a Christian, or a Jew, or a so-called infidel. These throwbacks think they’re better than you underneath it all, and 90 percent of them are on welfare. Ninety percent of them come in here, and all they do is breed more bombers. More bombers, and more bombers! And you’re telling me this is a sane country?

Not when Michael Savage is in it, folks.

Sources:
Savage: “Let’s get it on! Let’s bring it on! Bomb Iran, bring our boys home now!” Media Matters
Michael Savage SPEAKS TRUTH TO POWER! The Populist Blog

A panda that was originally mistaken for possibly being a hermaphrodite or for having “undeveloped” sexual organs gave birth to twin bear cubs this week.

In 2000, he/she was shipped to Japan to mate with some lucky female panda, but he/she just wasn’t into “it”. Possibly our favorite quote of the week:

Jinzhu was believed to be male owing to her inconspicuous secondary sex characteristic and behavior…When the pandas showed complete disinterest, experts decided to turn to artificial insemination, leading to the discovery that Jinzhu had no penis.

So it took the scientists a while to figure it out. But it’s not their fault:

‘The penis of an adult panda is only about 3 centimeters (1.2 inches) long,’ Xinhua quoted Li Deshen, a panda expert, as saying, as a possible reason for the mix-up.

Featured Song: “Owner of a Lonely Heart” by Grizzly Bear

In the GOP’s latest effort to scramble the party platform away from public opinion of Bush, the Washington Post is reporting that Bush made the decision to commute I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby’s 30-month prison sentence almost single-handedly. Lone Ranger Bush didn’t even discuss his decision with the Justice Department or even his Republican buddies, who largely wanted a full pardon for Cheney’s chief of staff.

The “Free Scooter” camp is still outraged though. I mean, a commutation is like getting stuck on third base. Why not a fucking home run? One former senator Republican Alan Simpson was quoted asking:

“Why should anyone worry about that? [Bush] gets hammered every day. They don’t think George is doing anything right, so what do you lose?”

Yeah, man. I mean, George is already fucking up, so just let him fuck EVERYTHING up. Basically, the American legal system is to Bush what a room in the Beverly Hill Hotel is to Keith Moon. Still, the most disgusting part (and there are many) of this whole ordeal is the conservative fan base that Bush has regained. The Weekly Standard’s William Kristol said:

“By acting here, he is showing to conservatives the kind of leadership that made conservatives loyal to Bush once and could make them loyal once more,” Kristol said.

Good old Texas conservative leadership, folks: keep your buddies close and fry everyone else. But don’t be too hard on Bush; he’s trying really, really hard to pretend to know what justice really is. After all, just because Scoot is getting out of jail, that doesn’t mean that the judge, jury, prosecutor, defense, media and the rest of America wasted it’s time and money:

“The reputation he gained through his years of public service and professional work in the legal community is forever damaged,” Bush said.

The poor man’s gone through so much already. He’s probably never going to get a job again. Hmm. He’s going to be blacklisted from Washington. No…well, it’s going to really, really suck. Seriously.

Source: Bush Wipes Away Libby’s Prison Sentence [Washington Post]
Source: A Decision Made Largely Alone [Washington Post]