Sad news, people. Heroine to liberal Texans Molly Ivins was hospitalized today in Austin. The prolific author and award-winning columnist is fighting an on-going case of breast cancer, and the AP tells us she might be able to leave the hospital as soon as Monday. We at CW sure hope so. She only recently started writing again after going on a short hiatus last December.

You can find her most recent column protesting the troop surge here, and her piece on Bush and his common sense deficiency here.

Just remember that our Molly is a fighter:

“Maybe this is false bravado,” she said in the Austin American-Statesman. “In some ways for me, this is like having a manageable disease. It’s like diabetes. It doesn’t mean it’s not going to come get me in the end.”

Ok, so January hasn’t exactly been the busiest month here on the old Culture Warrior. Bill O’Reilly and Stephen Colbert made a sex tape and we didn’t even mention it! Can you believe that? haven’t even opened our RSS reader since before the new year! The gaul! The gaul! So we’re sorry. But We’re back, and we’ll never leave you again, cause you know we love you, baby. We promise.

But our absense was not without cause. Chester went to Venezuela to attempt a coup, Molly was in China, Greg was drinking heavily while chasing various girls around the North American continent, Mia was aloof as always, and Joshua was busy trying to get his webcam to work. Annie has been pretty on the ball though, we have to say. Thank god for her, or there would have been pretty much nothing up here all month long. Jeez.

So ok. Let’s get this show on the road.

Unless something really juicy happens. Sorry, chumps!

When the War on Terror is costing America, oh, around $200 million a day, and 3,154 coalition deaths in Iraq alone, the troops have naturally needed to improvise on the whole “staying alive” thing. The latest technological advancment saving the troops’ lives?

Silly String. Yeah. The same shit you’d spray your little sister in the eyes with when she broke your G.I. Joe after she had him take Barbie out for a night on the town.

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Admit it. You’ve used MySpace to play Spy Kid more than once. Can we blame you though? Inquiring minds want to know if any of the kids you hung out with in high school are doing any worse than you are right now. But if the 8, 4, 5, 6 and 10 o’clock news are right, then there are some creepy people using the News Corp.-owned site for…sex. Whodathunk?

Well, no more. The icky sexual predators are being blocked from stalking your little sister by MySpace’s new partnership with Sentinel Tech Holding Corp, says AP. Supposedly, the blessed union will help build a database with “names, physical descriptions and other identifiable details on sex offenders in the United States.” Not age though. So you can still pretend to be a 14-year-old or a septagarian.

The database, to be called Sentinel Safe, “will allow us to aggregate all publicly available sex offender databases into a real-time searchable form, making it easy to cross-reference and remove known registered sex offenders from the MySpace community,” Hemanshu Nigam, MySpace’s chief security officer, said in a statement.

Heads up, Maf54.

Featured Music:

33Hz - “Digital Lover”

(Yeah. We know it’s not necessarily appropriate for predatory stories, but we’re trying here.)

O, Anthony! If could only be our mayor forever! This man has an eye for ‘redevelopment’ like no other human being on earth. We can picture him, bow-tie clad and turtle-like, walking down the street with an assistant trailing close behind. They see an old building, and Anthony’s heart starts to race and his imagination runs wild. O, the possibilities the power of eminent domain provide! Evict them all, Anthony! Let’s have a new _______! Debt is of no consequence!

And with only a month or so let in office, Mayor Williams is not stopping to catch his breath. NBC4 reports that the Mayor has just sealed the deal to turn a Southwest shopping mall into, “office, residential and retail space,” a regular “Town Center!” Or, another way to put it could be, a brand new Shopping Mall! And since no one lives over there, they’re going to throw in some condos so the stores have a captive market! America!
Featured Music:

Sunset Rubdown - Stadiums and Shrines II

Let us step into the way-back machine, dear readers, and transport ourselves back to Election Day, 2002, the first Congressional election of the post-911 era. The terror attacks had taken place just a little over a year before the vote, and yet, the national unity and good will was gone. Bush and Co. were feening like addicts to get into Iraq, and they needed to recapture the Senate to start the bombs a droppin’.

And so, on Election day 2002, the GOP jammed the Democratic Party’s GOTV and poll ride phone bank in New Hampshire. They took it down for two hours and Republican John Sununu beat Democrat Jean Shaheen by a narrow margain.

The case was settled today. Justice and a cleverly related song after the jump.
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