Abstinence only education is now a multi-million dollar industry. The NYT explores the people collecting fat checks. This quote explains exactly why these people should not be taking money away from science-based educators despite their stunning ability to run hypothesis tests.

“You have to look at why sex was created,” Eric Love, the director of the East Texas Abstinence Program, which runs Virginity Rules, said one day, the sounds of Christian contemporary music humming faintly in his Longview office. “Sex was designed to bond two people together.”

To make the point, Mr. Love grabbed a tape dispenser and snapped off two fresh pieces. He slapped them to his filing cabinet and the floor; they trapped dirt, lint, a small metal bolt. “Now when it comes time for them to get married, the marriage pulls apart so easily,” he said, trying to unite the grimy strips. “Why? Because they gave the stickiness away.”

Apparently those bits of dust and metal should not be considered valuable life experiences.

The Washington Times gleefully reports that the pack of idiots running for president all love the gays, according to the Human Rights Campaign. Right on their front page, the lesser Times wants all their readers to know that if a Democrat becomes president, they’ll make it illegal to pray and make your children take gay classes in school. The article does yield some interesting points:

* Republican candidates who used gay marriage as a wedge issue in 2006 were all defeated.

* Every Democrat in the race supports civil unions.

* John Kerry thinks it was the marriage protection amendment on Ohio’s ballot in 2004 cost him the election, and that’s sort of sweet.

Source:White House hopefuls seen more attuned to gay issues

* Dick Cheney smash! [NYT]

* Every good American loves taint. [WP]

* As productive as it is to prevent people in the developing world from using contraceptives, Democrats have another idea. [Roll Call]

* New York is going to be running everything. [Politico]

* The War on Christmas is coming early this year. [Politico]

* Mitt Romney will kill the terrorists himself. [LAT

It looks like Al Gore forgot to include one major effect of global warming in his Oscar-winning flick: horny cats.

According to pet adoption group Pets Across America, the change in climate has pretty much ensured that cats breed for longer periods of time. PAA President Kathy Warnick says:

“Basically, there is no longer a reproduction lull with cat breeding cycles, and unfortunately, it seems more people are bringing boxes of kittens into our agencies during winter now.”

It’s not enought that you have to buy a hybrid, but now you have to spay your cat. Global warming sucks, guys.

Source: Adoption Group Says Cats Invading Shelters Due to Global Warming [Yahoo! News]

Featured Song: “Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nuget

I was shocked and dismayed to learn yesterday that my old friend John Pike, drummer for up-’n'-coming band Ra Ra Riot was found dead in Wilbur’s Point near Fairhaven, Massachusetts. I wish I had the eloquence to talk about how John was brilliant and a fantastic musician [not to mention that he is actually one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life] but I don’t. I’m a little numb. So think good thoughts, etc. John would have preferred that, I’m sure, and listen to their music. It’s beautiful.

Ra Ra Riot Drummer John Pike Found Dead [Pitchfork]
Official Website
Ra Ra Riot Myspace Page

* John Edwards calls everyone names, acts like he didn’t used to be into the war, is generally four and a half years late to leadership on the issue of no one’s going to vote for him. [NYT, WP, LAT, USAT]

* For Nancy Pelosi, summertime means only one thing: a whole slew of bullshit strategic votes on Iraq. [LAT]

* The surge is working. Wait, no sorry, we meant not working. The surge is not working. [NYT]

* Sen. Jon Kyle and his band of the undead may not succeed in defeating immigration proposal, feeding on brains. [WP]

* Mitt Romney never done nothing but look sharp and talk real pretty. [NYT]

* Larry Flynt offers $1 million to know which senator you’re fucking. [Politico]

* Don’t get all weepy for the detainees; it’s the torturers who are tortured. [WP]

We’re sure you saw that lightboards depicting a middle-finger-waving Mooninite shut down the city of Boston today. Apparently, these lightboards, meant to promote Aqua Teen, were mistaken for bombs or some other implement of terror. How did this mistaken identity come to pass?

“It had a very sinister appearance,” Coakley told reporters. “It had a battery behind it, and wires.”

A battery, and wires. Characteristics of 100% of bombs and 0% of the ubiquitous electronic items we use every moment of every day in every location on the globe.

Boston is furious at Time Warner, and the Mayor said all kinds of silly things which you can read about in this CNN article. But you have to remember, Boston: the only one you have to blame is yourself. For not watching enough Adult Swim.