The Supreme Court recently voted 5-4 to make the Douchebag the national bird of the United States

Looks like Chuck Schumer has been asleep or something for the past two years because today he gave a crazy-eyed speech about how no more of Bush’s picks should make it to the Supreme Court. I don’t know where this guy was in September 2005 when Alito got nominated, but this kind of conviction about keeping nutcases off the court would have been good to see, like, at the time. Said Senator Rip Van Winkle:

We should reverse the presumption of confirmation. The Supreme Court is dangerously out of balance. We cannot afford to see Justice Stevens replaced by another Roberts, or Justice Ginsburg by another Alito… There is no doubt that we were hoodwinked… Alito shouldn’t have been confirmed… When a president says he wants to nominate justices in the mold of Scalia and Thomas, believe him.

Who would have guessed that Bush, after saying he was going to put more Scalias on the Court would nominate such individuals! After all, Roberts did say things like “I will respect previous precedent.” Who could possibly have guessed that he was not telling the truth? Who? Anyone? Hoodwinked indeed!

Thank you, Senator, for looking after the national interest. Hey, that whole Iraq thing was probably a bad call too, huh? It’s cool though, no way anyone could have known.

Politico: Schumer to fight new Bush high court picks.

Featured Song: “Fooled With the Wrong Guy” by Beulah

The Supreme Court released a buzzkill of an opinion yesterday on the Morse v. Frederick free speech case. The trouble started in 2002, when the then-senior Jason Frederick was suspended for holding a “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner at a school assembly in Juneau. But the Ed Rooney-esque actions of Principal Deborah Morse were just the start. Frederick’s mellow was ultimately harshed upon in a 5-4 majority decision from the Supremest of Courts that said his free speech was not violated in the suspension. But maybe they are right that the banner could have been disruptive to the educational environment, considering Alaska is ranked as the 46th dumbest state in the union. It gets better; Clarence Thomas even wrote a concurrent opinon in which he proposed overturning Tinker v. Des Moines, the foundation of students’ free speech jurisprudence. Bong hit banners are just a step away from black armbands.

Read the Post’s coverage here. They have to define what a bong is in the lead paragraph.

Thank you, Craigslist, from Mia.

The Supreme Court Clerk of my heart - m4w - 30
Reply to: pers-318677509@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-25, 3:39PM EDT

My words come to you by ‘Writ of Certiorari’ from my heart. I have an ‘Opinion’: You are without a doubt the most perfect girl on the Hill. I look forward to argument days just so I can see your smile and say hello as you pass me in the Courtroom hall. Some days you are in your Clerk uniform tails and some days you are not, but you always look stunning. When I see you across the way during arguments it is hard to concentrate on keeping the record.

Now that this session of Oral arguments is over I am bummed because I never really had the chance to talk with you. So here on Craigslist I am bringing an ‘Appeal’ to take you out to coffee sometime?

On ‘habeas review’, my heart is doing time and you have been found guilty.:0)

C.R.

This is obviously never going to happen. But we wish it would.