D.C., as you should be aware of by now, isn’t just the captial of the United States, but also rampant, apparently unsatisfied sexual libidos.

Besides the Madame incident, The AP says that after complaints were lodged by a single employee, D.C.’s mayor launched an investigation of city workers browse for porn on any of the 10,000 government computers .

Surprise, surprise: nine city district workers were found to have accessed porno more than 19,000 times in 2007 and that 32 other emplyees took their porn hobby to work, frequenting adult sites more than 2,000 times last year. A total of 18 agencies were found to be festering in adulterously digital sin.

Featured Song: “Sexual Healing” by Hot Chip

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Source:
Porn Viewing Runs Amok at DC Agencies ABC News

Apparently Joan Rivers fucked a carrot.

Featured Song: “Broken Face” by The Pixies

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From A Socialite’s Life.

Chavez and Castro: two hot pieces of beefcake.

If this doesn’t prove that voting in Venezuela is rigged, we don’t know what else will:

A poll said on Thursday the fifth-most desired man is Chavez, whose large nose, protruding lips, forehead mole and gap in his front teeth are easy fodder for caricature artists in a South American nation obsessed with beauty.

Venezuelan business group Fedecamaras organized the poll, which is odd since Fedecamaras has been hailed as one of the leading forces of the opposition group and black listed as part of the capitalistic oligarchy by the Chavistas.

Let’s put this in context, though. Chavez, who was nicknamed “Goofy” in his military days, was named one of the top five sexiest Venezuelan men. We’re talking about Venezuela, the developing country that in 2000 was named the most vain country in the world and in which 65 percent of Venezuelan women and 47 percent of men said they think about their personal appearance ”all the time.”

Come to think about it, Naomi Campbell did visit Chavez the other day…Better luck next year, Winston Vallenilla. Sixth place doesn’t cut it, you ass-face ugly son of a bitch.

Featured Song: “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart


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Sources:
“Ugly” Chavez among Venezuela’s sexiest men: poll Yahoo! News
Who Is Vainest of All? Venezuela NY Times
Naomi Does Venezuela Michelle Malkin

Never do a Google search for “syphilis.” Seriously.

Seeing as how most of the current CW staff has some sort of tie to Houston, and being the good wingmen (and women) that we are, we figured we’d give our friends a heads up. We’re being informed that the number of reported new syphilis cases in the Houston area increased almost 50 percent from last year.

“We’re on target to more than double our number of cases from last year to this year,” said Marlene McNeese-Ward, the department’s chief of HIV/STD and Viral Hepatitis Prevention.

It looks like most of the new “French disease” cases involve gay males, many of them identifying themselves as Hispanic and African-American men, with a handful of cases resulting from unprotected sex in exchange for drugs or money, so be extra careful of Floridian statesmen. Another reason cited for the increase? The Internet. Missed Connections should stay missed for a reason. In this case, syphilis.

Also, in probably the most amazing of revelations from the whole story is that Al Capone supposedly died from syphilis. You learn something new every day, folks.

Featured Song: “Love Sick” by Orange Juice

Source:
Houston targets syphilis increase Houston Chronicle

A panda that was originally mistaken for possibly being a hermaphrodite or for having “undeveloped” sexual organs gave birth to twin bear cubs this week.

In 2000, he/she was shipped to Japan to mate with some lucky female panda, but he/she just wasn’t into “it”. Possibly our favorite quote of the week:

Jinzhu was believed to be male owing to her inconspicuous secondary sex characteristic and behavior…When the pandas showed complete disinterest, experts decided to turn to artificial insemination, leading to the discovery that Jinzhu had no penis.

So it took the scientists a while to figure it out. But it’s not their fault:

‘The penis of an adult panda is only about 3 centimeters (1.2 inches) long,’ Xinhua quoted Li Deshen, a panda expert, as saying, as a possible reason for the mix-up.

Featured Song: “Owner of a Lonely Heart” by Grizzly Bear

DC Madam, oh no, sorry, accused DC madam Jeane Palfrey has paid homage to our favorite blog Wonkette, the one that pays the bills around here. Big Head DC has the scoop:

“I would never speak to a disreputable tabloid like Wonkette,” she told Big Head DC yesterday. “They purposely humiliate and abuse people and skew stories all for the sake of cheap thrills.”

Woot!

Featured Song: “Treat Her Like a Prostitute” by Slick Rick