The New York Times has been paying close attention to the White House’ reception of the Iraq Study Group’s report. And they, in all their great wisdom, seem to think that he is not particularly keen on two of it’s main suggestions: That we reduce our troop presence in Iraq by 15 brigades (however many that is, it’s a lot) and start direct talks with Iran and Syria.

So. We’re not going to reduce troop levels, and we’re not going to start talking to other nations in the region. We think we figured out the problem here. We’re thankful that it’s such a simple one. Someone just forgot to tell POTUS that a “change” only occurs when some aspect of the prior situation is altered, so that it is differnt than it was previously. We know that they’ll have to use simpler language in their explanation, but we’ll leave that to the experts.

When the War on Terror is costing America, oh, around $200 million a day, and 3,154 coalition deaths in Iraq alone, the troops have naturally needed to improvise on the whole “staying alive” thing. The latest technological advancment saving the troops’ lives?

Silly String. Yeah. The same shit you’d spray your little sister in the eyes with when she broke your G.I. Joe after she had him take Barbie out for a night on the town.

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Unless something really crazy and unexpected happens today like, we don’t know, a Jen and Vince break up, this is the story we’re sure is going to dominate the news cycle. The Jame Baker-led Iraq Study Group is going to release its report at 11.

Bush got his copy this morning a little before 7am, and acted like he’d read it in front of the White House press corps, who, of course are reporting that he’s read it.

Everybody already knows that the thing says, which is Iraq is a fucking disaster and we need to get out, but here are some tidbits from a leaked copy of the report:

• The primary mission of U.S. forces should evolve to one of supporting the Iraqi army
• Violence is increasing in scope and lethality.
• The United States must adjust its role to encourage the Iraqi people to take control

But here’s why it doesn’t matter what the report says: it doesn’t say “Stay the Course.” George won’t ever want to leave Iraq, because it means that he failed in the task he made central to his presidency. It means that isn’t acting through him. It means he made a big, big mistake.

So we at Culture Warrior agonize over the irony that is surely lost on the President, but won’t be lost to history: He will ignore the recommendations of the group set up to save his ass by providing political cover. What. A. Fucking. Chump.