Remember, this is the man who told a kid that “the reason the Constitution was forged was to assure new American citizens the right to free life and access to pursue happiness in his or her own way” and that “[t]he Declaration was the statement; the Constitution, the instrument,” after he was pwned for having written that “[t]he Constitution guarantees all of us, in a famous phrase, ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.’”

Well, this time, he’s fighting for the rights provided to us by the Declaration and/or Constitution, not to mention journalism as a whole:

“There are a lot of people who hate FOX News and they want to hurt us…and if i had allowed this guy to do what he was trying to do, I wouldn’t have been standing up for my network or my camera man.”

It’s almost as if these people who hate FOX News are like terrorists or something. O’Reilly totally had a responsibility to the People’s democratic rights, which means he has an obligation to shove someone who was just standing there. He’s fighting for your freedom, people.

Featured Song: “Relax” by Bobby Conn & The Glass Gypsies

DOWNLOAD MP3

Sources:
Bill O’Reilly shoves Obama’s staffer: Unhinged… The Full video! Crooks and Liars
Bill O’Reilly: I Shoved, Cursed Out Obama Staffer To “Uphold The Constitution” Horses Mouth
Despite “excellent question” from a “kid[],” O’Reilly did not acknowledge falsehood in his book Media Matters

“Hi, I’m President Stupid and I’m going to run my administration into the ground.”

Please allow me the pleasure of an explanation. As you may or may not have heard, Congressional Democrats quite unexpectedly produced some nuts and outlined a plan for Iraq withdrawal for - note the date - September 1, 2008. Yes, I bolded it for you to make it easier to understand. The Cut-And-Run-Ocrats are going to time Iraq withdrawal two months before the presidential election so that they will win. Sneaky, right? Oh, but there’s more.

So, President Scratchandsniff the Decider in Chief decidedly intends to veto the withdrawal measure. Of course. In favor of the status quo. two months before the presidential election. Because he’s smart.

Thus! The Democrats get the best possible political outcome. They are going to move to end the war that at this point everyone hates (popular move, election winning move) but then they’re going to be stopped by an jackass president who are this point pretty much everyone hates and thinks is an idiot (stupid move, election losing move). And the Republican nominee (and please jesus oh man do i hope it’s Mitt Romney) is going to be standing around saying “Well this withdrawal plan is flawed but I would talk to Congress to make it work blah blah blah” because President Headuphisass will have exactly no one on his side. So the Dems get to look like leaders without having to bare the responsibility of actual leadaership. Bush is out-inepting the Democrats. In Congress.

Really. There are so many levels here it’s almost too much.

So Bush is going personally to see to it that the Democrats get a double win in 2008! Why, how thoughtful of you, President Shitforbrains! This is your best move since you kept Rummy on until after you lost the last election! This is the kind of politics that gives me a full-on boner. If only they had let President Chim Chim call the shots since day one! It’s like Christmas every single day!

And I’m sure the cost in human life will be negligible on any meaningful scale.

You might have been too busy watching the Top Chef season finale (Spoiler Alert: Ilan won; Marcel pouted) to hear that Al Franken is running for office in 2008. That’s right folks, you can vote for Franken next year. As long as you’re in Minnesota.

CNN reports that Franken has announced his candidacy for a seat in Senate representing his home state. The liberal, O’Reilly-beating comedian-turned-radio-host-turned-politician is running against incumbant Sen. Norm Coleman (R), whose first priority while in Congress is to “get things done for Minnesota.”

That’s going to be a tough platform to beat.

All this comes soon after Franken’s former project, Air America Radio, was bought out of bankruptcy by real estate mogul Stephen Green, founder and chairman of SL Green Realty Corp. No worries of Green being in cahoots with Murdoch, though. Says Minnesota’s KARE 11:

Green is the brother of Mark Green, a longtime New York politician who has also appeared frequently as a guest on Air America Radio.

Sigh of relief.

So no Franken on the squack box anymore, but if all goes well, maybe we can hear him on the Senate floor on C-SPAN.

Watch Franken tread on Scarborough Country:

Let us step into the way-back machine, dear readers, and transport ourselves back to Election Day, 2002, the first Congressional election of the post-911 era. The terror attacks had taken place just a little over a year before the vote, and yet, the national unity and good will was gone. Bush and Co. were feening like addicts to get into Iraq, and they needed to recapture the Senate to start the bombs a droppin’.

And so, on Election day 2002, the GOP jammed the Democratic Party’s GOTV and poll ride phone bank in New Hampshire. They took it down for two hours and Republican John Sununu beat Democrat Jean Shaheen by a narrow margain.

The case was settled today. Justice and a cleverly related song after the jump.
Read the rest of this entry »