If our memories serve us correctly, middle school is something very akin to prison.

Middle school administrators seem to be so confused by adolescents that they will go to any lengths to maintain order in their schools. At Kilmer Middle School in Vienna, Va. these lengths include barring students from hand-holding and, god forbid, hugging. The Washington Post reports that a seventh grader at the school has been reprimanded by school officials for putting his arm around his girlfriend at school — this act also required him to leave his assigned seat at lunch.

All touching — not only fighting or inappropriate touching — is against the rules at Kilmer Middle School in Vienna. Hand-holding, handshakes and high-fives? Banned. The rule has been conveyed to students this way: “NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!!!

Are they for real? Well, maybe not, as the article later clarifies school officials are sometimes lax in enforcing the policy:

Students won’t get busted if they high-five in class after answering a difficult math problem.

Good. If kids can’t actually touch, at least they can share the high-fiving-inducing joys of mathematics together.

Source: Va. School’s No-Contact Rule Is a Touchy Subject [Washington Post]

A family law judge barred Alec Baldwin from communicating with his 11-year-old daughter today after he left the following message on her voicemail (It’s an mp3, so it’s perfect for your itunes. Graphic and audio borrowed from TMZ):

Obviously he is crazy-go-nuts abusive and treats his daughter like shit. So it makes sense that he’s on the board of People for the American Way, an organization that’s been steadily eroding our nation’s moral values for like 30 years.