Paris Hilton is back in court jail(!), folks.

That’s right. Proving there’s hope for the American justice system yet, Hilton was ordered to appear in front of Judge Michael Sauer at 9 a.m. this morning. Sporting her glamorous ankle bracelet, Hilton was released and given 40 days probation a mere 24 hours ago. Didn’t really sit well with City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo, nor was he happy to let Paris conference call the court appearance. By the looks of things, Paris isn’t very happy either.

UPDATE No. 1: The New York Post writes that a crying Paris was sent back to jail for her original 45 days.

If it’s not enough that Paris is in handcuffs and tears, TMZ has to knock her wardrobe too. Too soon, TMZ. Too soon…

UPDATE No. 2: Turns out that she was allowed out of jail out of the Sheriff’s concern she might suffer from mild culture shock:

There were reports last night that Hilton had been suffering from psychological trauma and refusing to eat prison food, and that doctors had been advising prison staff that she was on the verge of a breakdown.

Sorry, Paris. Room service, it is not.

Source: Screaming Paris Hilton Sent Back to Jail [NY Post]
Source: Paris — Handcuffed and tossed into cruiser! [TMZ]
Source: Paris Arrested by the fashion police too! [TMZ]
Source: Paris Hilton may be sent back to jail [Times]

Paris Hilton was released from jail today after serving three days of her 45 day sentence. She was already being housed in LA County’s “special needs” jail reserved for famous people and politicians separate from the rest of the prisoners and without a cell mate. She also spent two hours every day meeting with her shrink. But today she was aloud to leave to due an “unspecified medical condition,” and after being credited for 5 days in jail, she’s going to serve the next 40 days under house arrest in the Hollywood Hills. Maybe.

Why does LA County give a shit about Paris Hilton? Why wouldn’t they just lock her up like anyone else, feed her three meals every day and then let her after her sentence was up? I understand that she’s rich and white and blonde, but there are lots of rich people who, after rieving perhaps unfairly lenient treatment in the courtroom go on to serve their full jail sentences. Why is it that Paris gets lenient treatment in the courtroom and by the Sheriff’s Department?

It’s pretty tempting to wish bad things on Paris, knowing that no one of would get this kind of treatment if we had repeatedly broken the law. But isn’t it punishment enough to live your whole life as a partially-conscious human parasite? Maybe that’s the medical condition that let her walk out LA County Jail like she was checking out of the room she just trashed at the Ritz.

Featured Song: “Jailbreak” by Thin Lizzy

Source: Paris Hilton Released from Jail After Four Days [LAT]

A family law judge barred Alec Baldwin from communicating with his 11-year-old daughter today after he left the following message on her voicemail (It’s an mp3, so it’s perfect for your itunes. Graphic and audio borrowed from TMZ):

Obviously he is crazy-go-nuts abusive and treats his daughter like shit. So it makes sense that he’s on the board of People for the American Way, an organization that’s been steadily eroding our nation’s moral values for like 30 years.

There is an article in Today’s New York Times about Honeybees and how they are dissapearing. I noticed this story this morning but didn’t bother to read it becasue I figured the answer was, or course, global warming.

Legendary Talking Heads frontman and world music mogul David Byrne has a different theory that is just batshit crazy enough to be true.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this but, I told you so.” -Larry Birkhead

ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S BABYDADDY REVEALED. [BBC]
ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S BABYDADDY REVEALED. [Gawker]
ANNA NICOLE SMITH’S BABYDADDY REVEALED. [WaPo]

The UK is being rocked by a shocking scandal today: we’ll call it Photoshop-gate, because we’re pretty sure that (stunningly) no one else has, probably because Watergate has no significance in the UK. ANYWAY! It would appear as though Tony Blaire, who, while at Oxford posed for this photograph with the rest of the extras from a Who photoshoot, made an obscene gesture. Blaire’s jerk-off hand was later digitally removed from the photo so the British electorate wouldn’t know that Blaire knows anything at all about masturbation. The real photo has surfaced! And we’re so glad that it has!

Once you were out sweetheart. You were the girl whose music we hated but definitely wanted to see naked if we ever got the opportunity. Oh, how low your fall has brought you, Britney. Jesus God, please see Britney safely through rehabilitation.