Not even plummeting world markets and a failing economy can stop the Acadamy Awards from stealing precious air time during America’s morning shows.

The usual categories were announced, as were the usual nominees. You’ve got your Cate Blanchett, Daniel Day-Lewis and Tommy Lee Jones (although we still think he was snubbed for his role in Batman Forever.) You’ve also got your suprises, like Juno and Ellen Page, not to mention a soundtrack that will soon shadow the notorious Garden State soundtrack (read: must have Christmas gift for the Urban Outfitter aficionado in your life).

Of course, they don’t reveal some of the smaller, less notable award catagories during the announcement ceremony, but one did catch our eye on the Acadamy Awards Web site: Eddie Murphy’s Norbit. And while we would bask in the ironic glow of an Oscar win for a Eddie-Murphy-in-a-fat-suit vehicle, it’s for Achievement in makeup and actually up against “La Vie en Rose.” We must admit, though, that Eddie knows a good fat suit when he sees one.

Featured Song: “Confusion” by Electric Light Orchestra

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Apparently Joan Rivers fucked a carrot.

Featured Song: “Broken Face” by The Pixies

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From A Socialite’s Life.

You probably haven’t thought about Carson Daly in like eight years, but he just wanted to check in and remind everyone that he’s still a tool. The former MTV main squeeze will be the first the break the Writers Guild picket line and resume production of his massively popular runaway hit of a late night show because, you know, pain killers and cock rings don’t exactly pay for themselves.

Daly, who is not a member of the Writers Guild, will begin taping new episodes of his Burbank-based show this week for airing next week, an NBC spokesperson confirmed Tuesday.

Daly himself is not a writer, nor does he employ any writers. He prefers just to “vibe it out,” an unconventional method to be sure, but one that keeps production costs low.

Said a spokesman for the striking writers, “Carson who?”

Source: “Carson Daly to defy writers strike,” Associated Press

I’ve always wanted to have 6,000 Swarovski crystals individually glued to my naked body over 14 hours. Spanish actress Paz Vega beat me to the itchy privilege for Elle’s Christmas special.

See, the creative and holiday spirit do belong together. The outfit says festive whore-object, or pretty, pretty mine explosion. I mean I usually just hit up other peoples’ closets for my seasonal frock, but maybe this year I will Zebra stripe myself with a glue stick and roll around in tinsel instead.

Sources:
‘Deslumbra’ Paz Vega con desnudo en Elle El Diario
More ridiculously faked pictures Elle

Thompson’s wife looks like his grandaughter. People are creeped out more than usual by this presumptive candidate’s pedophilia marriage. The blogs have noticed, even the New York Times commented awhile ago in an article called “Will Her Face Determine His Fortune?”

That’s why I was shocked to see a recent campaign photo (right, below.) Jeri’s white frock accesorized with a few extra pounds proves someone has convinced Jeri to ditch the virgin-whore look for a more swallowable expensive trophy wife image.

In “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” the author comments that a sweaty male companion’s arm around Holly Golightly’s waist looks wrong, not morally, but aesthetically. True, both Thompsons are guilty of visual crimes, but someone with more taste than the duo combined seems to be decreasing the damages. We thank whoever that is, but beg them to never allow the wearing of political party themed jewelry. Note Jeri’s dangling elephant pendant.

Featured Song: “Elephant Woman” by Blonde Redhead

You know, there is more to the canine world than some football player’s dogfights, people. In what seems to be a submininal attempt to cash in on America’s fondness for dogs, the press has given us canine-centric stories that remind us of why we love our four-legged compatriots don’t subject them to unspeakable acts of dog-on-dog cruelty.

• That yipping dog of yours will take a rattlesnake bite meant for grandkid while you’re still applying Fixodent in the morning. [AP via Yahoo! News]
• You can sleep soundly know that the $750 that you misplaced are safely located in your pet’s intestines. You’ll only get $400 back covered in vomit and crap, but it’s better than the fees at some banks. [AP via Yahoo! News]
• If your dog is ever lost, chances are it will find its own way back to where it first was: a wooden car on a stage hoisted 20 ft in the air. [BBC News]

Hard labor is not exactly part of Paris’ daily regimen

I’m sure they won’t be but I hope these are the last words I ever write about Paris Hilton. When I was submitting this site to be listed on the DC Blogs live feed, it specifically said not to submit your blog if you write about her and for good reason: she doesn’t matter and the fact that any of us care about her at all reflects something sort of sad about the collective pop culture psyche. Nonetheless, I have to post at least just one more time because I just came across an article that begs the question, “what the fuck is wrong with Los Angeles?”

Obviously, I had no problem with Hilton getting her 45 day sentence. I was surprised in fact, figuring she’d find a way to get out of it and not actually serve any jail time. Just like everyone else, we here at CW thought it was totally fucking retarded when they let her out and felt vindicated when they put her back in. She’s being held in the special celebrity wing of the prison and even though there are these endless reports of how miserable she is, it’s pretty much the equivalent of being locked inside a room at Best Western.

So now I come across this article in the LA Times. Apparently journalists took the time to see if Paris was getting a fair deal or not, and they determined that the 23 days she is going to serve is “much longer” than what most people serve in her situation and that she is being treated unfairly. What exactly is going on over there? By what standard is she being treated unfairly? Because she has to piss where the guards can see her? She’s in a separate fucking wing of the jail, she doesn’t have a cell mate and she meets with her shrink for two hours every single day. What is wrong with these people? She was on parole, she violated it and now she’s going to spend 3 weeks in a jail cell. That doesn’t seem all that unreasonable to me.