Where do we start?

Actually, when does it end? David Hasselhoff is a piece of work. He helped so many of us develop our imaginations after he shared thought-provoking screen time with talking cars in the 80s. He helped many males through puberty surrounded himself with an incredibly talented slow-motion-prone, well-endowed female cast in the 90s. Basically, he’s been like a mildy-challenged father figure who disappeared to Gemany for 10 years and reappeared years later to rekindle a stagnant relationship. We try to open our arms, but first you gave us this, and now:

Well, even your well-spoken daughter knows you’re a mess. By the way, did you know your brain is shrinking?

In breaking news, scientists are saying that things that feel good can actually be bad for you.

Healthday (via MSNBC) reports that the more you drink, the smaller your brain gets. That’s right: your vodka tonics are shrinking your brain. The liberal media tells us:

The researchers found that the more alcohol people drank on a regular basis, the smaller their brain volume. People who had more than 14 drinks per week had an average 1.6 percent reduction in brain volume compared with people who never drank.

Dumbed down for the alcholics in the crowd, the 1,839 people who participated were classified as non-drinkers, former drinkers, low drinkers (dranking one to seven drinks a week), moderate drinkers (eight to 14 drinks a week), or high drinkers (more than 14 drinks per week, i.e., the Culture Warrior staff).

Research actually found that brain volume decreased 0.25 percent for every increase in drinking category. News like this make us wish happy hour would be just a little bit lot earlier.