Praise Allah, Mitt Romney is running for president
With the Book of Salamander in one hand and the bright pink dildo that has come to define him in the other, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney today announced that he is running for president of the United States.
Romney is Culture Warrior’s favored candidate for the presidency, because out of all the candidates out there, he is the most sincere about the values core to his campaign:
Romney, who ran as a moderate in a failed 1994 Senate campaign and his winning gubernatorial campaign eight years later, is trying to convince the party faithful that he is a solid conservative and sincere in his opposition to abortion and gay marriage, two issues critical to the GOP base.
As he tries to runs to the right of McCain and Giuliani, Romney wants to avoid being seen as a Massachusetts liberal flip-flopper, a label that led to the downfall of 2004 Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry in his race against President Bush.
Good luck, Mitt. We’re behind you all the way.
