O’Reilly and the Falafel: A Modern Romeo and Juliet
We here at Culture Warrior have a special, dark place for in our hearts, right next to the clogged aorta. Without Bill, God knows what we would have named this blog. Something really lame like Tubulosity or something. (Editor’s Note: I kid, Greg. I kid.)
But O’Reilly is a relevant person in modern day America. Some would say it’s for his witty retorts (“Shut up!”) and his classy beside manner (“Cut off his mike.”) We at Culture Warrior would like to think that he is as important as he is not because of Rupert Murdoch, but because of the middle eastern delicacy that is the falafel.
This is why we’re waiting with baited breath to see “Mackris v. O’Reilly,” the operatic interpretation of the pundit’s sexual embarrassment case.
“Mackris v. O’Reilly” is preformed as an oratorio, so no 30-foot falafels on stage. Still, it’s a 31-piece chamber orchestra, 32-voice chorus and three soloists (soprano, tenor and baritone), which make it sound more grandiose than O’Reilly’s ego.
The Free Press fills us in:
The style of the piece is a traditional neo-baroque that makes the most of the oratorio format. Its 31 parts include seven chorales, two madrigals, three choruses (parts of the chorus matched up with components from the orchestra), four stand-alone recitatives, two instrumental entrances and numerous arias. All of these parts add up to a two-hour running time.
Sounds like they might be bloviating a little bit. But no matter. Two hours really isn’t enough to describe the nasty habits of an old, bitter man and his sexual turn-ons.
That’s why there’s Falaphilia. There’s even a recipe for it. In the overused and uninspired words of Rachel Ray, it’s “delish.”
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