Sex, lies and some denture adhesive

It’s probably a result of disordered curiousity that we opened this particular news story. Really, MSNBC should be awarded some sort of award for the headline: “Even grandma had premarital sex, survey finds.” That’s basically saying, “Hey, your grandmother was a whore, and we totally have the proof.”

Supposedly, a new study (by an anti-abstinence only organization) reports that more than nine out of 10 Americans (wouldn’t that be 10 out of 10?) have been fornicating before the sacred sacrament of marriage. And we’re not talking about that girl in your history class. The study says that the rates go as far back as the 1940s.

More scandalous septagarian sex after the jump.

That’s right. Your lovely grandmother who tucked you in at night and gave you $20 every time you saw her was such a slut:

The study found women virtually as likely as men to engage in premarital sex, even those born decades ago. Among women born between 1950 and 1978, at least 91 percent had had premarital sex by age 30, he said, while among those born in the 1940s, 88 percent had done so by age 44.

Of course, there can’t be a sex story on abstinance without the Bush administration having a say in the matter.

Assistant Secretary for Children and Families at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Wade Horn said that the goverment isn’t trying to close girls’ legs or neuter the guys. In fact, he actually thinks that the study is probably right:

Horn said he found the high percentages of premarital sex cited in the study to be plausible, and expressed hope that society would not look askance at the small minority that chooses to remain abstinent before marriage.

Either way, this is a “When I was your age” story we most definitely don’t want to hear.

Featured Music:

Marvin Gaye – “Let’s Get It On”

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